The Truth / an early Sunday dawning

The truth about music bloggers is that we're full of shit. We adhere to new and upcoming groups like double sided fridge magnets, but as soon as another metal appliance (stainless steel commercial acts just don't stick, love) brushes past in the jungle of hot stoves and churning washing machines, we're gone. Pray this new ship's a frontloader; we "spin" crap better that way.

(A fridge is an artist who has either lost their debut popularity, or has a long way to go before reaching it. A stove is an artist currently revelling in their debut popularity. An oven is an artist that has managed to maintain their popularity and is heating up due to an upcoming release/event. A dishwasher is just bad, but essential companions to the rest of the appliances. And a washing machine- my favourite- is that one bipolar, dysfunctional musician/band whose style you cannot describe because they'll change it next week, whose members are constantly being replaced, and who you try to stay away from for as long as possible. Because every time you claw your way back out of a laundry machine, you're missing a couple buttons and dripping wet.) Don't deny it, folks, y'all have written at least one example of each in this last month.

Reviewers suck. You will never agree exactly with what they say, unless they're the vague types who write a paragraph about 60 minutes of music. That's like saying, "the dress is green and frilly". Okay, but what type of green? Will it go with my skin tone? Frilly where? More often than not, the paragraph will say some variant of "this album is good" and then make a flowery remark on the band's genre/sound. Nonetheless, keep critiquing strong, because y'all are diverse, humorous folk, and I'm interested in hearing what you thought was so bad about an album I thought was so good.

(Readers include other sucky reviewers, the artists themselves on an ego-fuelled Google search, obsessively self-conscious fans, hipster kids, people who Google Imaged. The latter, visually-minded category doesn't really read what you have to say, they're there for the pictures. Oh, and the hipster kids are just there collecting weird song/band names. You know it!)

0 (108) by Erik Nardini, on Flickr

We leech off eachother. You wonder why the likes of Arcade Fire, Austra, The War On Drugs, and The Weeknd got so popular? They're good. They're good, and they caught the attention of one or two well-known alpha authorities. But that's not the only way to catch a lucky break. Those alphas read a lot more than you'd think they had time for- filthy procrastinators. And they'll plenty find some enjoyable collective through a bottomfeeder. Another reason, besides ego-tripping, that clever musicians do not underestimate a small, home-based media outlet.

(If you stumble across a review or news release, listen to the album or go to the show. Don't let us decide if it was good or great or brilliant. Chances are, we're wrong. Every piece of music is an accomplishment, any artist knows this. The degree to which we appreciate the masterpiece is in the ear of the beholder. The creativity in writing about art is word-smithery; after all, one must come up with a million different ways to say they liked something.)

Happy final weeks of beachwaving!